HuffPo Piece: Cinderella Ate My Man-Eating Tiger Daughter

This originally appeared on The Huffington Post on April 1, 2011. Note that the same day my piece was posted, news broke that Amy Chua's eldest daughter, Sophia, was admitted to the Harvard class of '15 (during the most competitive admissions cycle in Harvard's history, with a 6.2% admit rate); Sophia will be matriculating in Cambridge this fall.

Looking for advice on how to raise a successful daughter? Recent bestsellers offer conflicting advice. In Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Peggy Orenstein trumpets Girl Power over pink princesses if you want a smart, independent woman. But Kay Hymowitz writes in Manning Up that you should poo-poo this New Girl Order -- at least if you want your daughter to be a wife and (working) mother someday. And then there's the now infamous Tiger Mother Amy Chua who painstakingly details how she "Chinese parents" her two daughters to be the best at everything they touch in Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother; her girls tend to trounce everyone (girls and boys) while wearing princess-style dresses.

Chua recently spoke at Harvard (otherwise known as mecca for Tiger Moms), where she proclaimed, "I could not in a million years imagine my book to be perceived this way, as preaching Chinese parenting as superior... This is not a parenting book. It is a memoir." Indeed Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother covers Chua's childhood and family life, and describes how her relationship with members of her family changed while raising her over-achieving Chinese-Jewish-American children. These humanizing details are interspersed between the more horrifying anecdotes -- well known, thanks to the excerpt printed in The Wall Street Journal -- about denial of dinners and sleepovers, and threats to burn stuffed animals and give toys away.

As Chua was excoriated in the media, Orenstein's own parenting book-cum-memoir appeared. Cinderella Ate My Daughter is a spirited journey through the princess-industrial complex created by Disney and fed by American Girl, Club Libby Lu, other toy companies, child beauty pageants, and many more. Orenstein, a journalist who specializes in women's and girls' issues, details how this pink culture developed historically and how it impacts girls today at younger ages than ever before--including her own daughter, Daisy.

In many ways Chua and Orenstein's families and concerns are similar. They both have daughters. In fact, they both are raising Asian/Jewish daughters. They both find something wrong with current American parenting techniques, especially when it comes to raising their girls. But Peggy Orenstein is revered and Amy Chua is reviled, and when you read the books you can see why. As unyielding as Chua is (even when conceding defeat), Orenstein is questioning -- a crucial difference between the two books. Orenstein is also humorous. Chua claims she was trying to be a funny writer, but any self-deprecating humor just doesn't come across as genuine, especially when she repeatedly lists the accolades of her various family members. In the end, Orenstein is just more admirably ambivalent, honest, and likeable about mothering a young girl today.

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Concussed Tiger Parents

I know what you are thinking: "Another Tiger Mom post?! What could anyone possibly add to that discussion at this point?" I generally agree, so I'll be brief.

Last week as I was checking out at CVS, this cover caught my eye. What I found most interesting was the smaller headline at the top: "Health Special: Kids and concussions."  I don't normally read Time (given my weekly reading of The Economist, The New Yorker, Sports Illustrated, and People [quite a diverse collection, I know], not to mention my monthly magazine subscriptions and my daily Internet routine, I have little, well, time) but the juxtaposition of these two stories meant I had to pick up the issue.

In the magazine itself the two stories appear back-to-back. I figure on some level this must have been deliberate by the editors. But, then again, maybe not, given that the concussions piece was likely in the works for some time. In any event all these youth concussions, on some level, are the result of American Tiger parents enrolling their kids in competitive sports in the hopes of snagging an NCAA scholarship or a spot in the pros.  Before the professionalization of youth sports (think paid coaches, year-round seasons, and early specialization) concussions were the result of child's play on playgrounds and during recess. Now they are the stuff of lawsuits and stress.

Interestingly, in that same week's issue of The New Yorker, Ben McGrath wrote a great piece on concussions and the NFL.  The youth component is implied, but the connection between excessive competition, athletics, and injury is clear.  When will others see the connections and start devising solutions, like better credentialing of trainers/coaches in youth sports and a limitation of the hours kids can engage in these fun but dangerous activities?

Inaugural Post- Worlds Collide over Competitive Parenting

What better way to kick off my blog than by sharing my thoughts on a discussion about competitive parenting by a Harvard economist held at a somewhat-snotty/secretive academic meetings? I know a bit about all of these subjects-- in one way or another.

Yesterday the WSJ ran an interesting piece on a Davos discussion panel featuring Larry Summers (he of economic brilliance and the infamous Harvard presidency) and Amy Chua (she of the Tiger Mother phenomenon and Yale Law). Turns out that while Summers considers himself a "hard-ass" parent, he isn't sure being a Tiger Father is the pathway to a $50-billion Goldman valuation-- though it is likely the way to an Ivy League education. Chua seemed to agree, saying she is currently far more lenient with her daughters, as she flitted from event to event and interview to interview at the elite gathering, presumably a world away from her family in New Haven.

Just imagine a conversation between Chua's and Summers' daughters... Wonder who will get a crimson-colored thick admissions envelope and who will get a blue-hued one in a few years?

(For some of my own thoughts on the merits of "Chinese mothering," check out my recent op-ed in USA Today.)